Roll with the wind
by Martakus
Summary: What has become of Jack after decades of loneliness? Can he still return to the human world? Can he still find the acknowledgement, the admiration, the love he has been searching for for so long? An attempt at a realistic look on Jacks character. Comparably dark and twisted. Dont read if you are easily scared/disturbed. Might be considered M by some. Complete. R&R!
1. Chapter 1: If I die young

**Chapter 1: If I die young**

Jack sat on top of a snow-covered cliff, glancing at the marvelous mix of grey, crimson and orange the setting sun created. He listened to the barely audible sound of animals scurrying into their dens to prepare for a long, restorative sleep. A last breeze brushed the snow-covered trees, then there was silence. Just him and the snow - and silence. It was a magical, beautiful moment.

Yet during the last decades, he had always felt some nagging doubt this was what the moon had created him for: Enjoying himself. Many would call his way of living selfish - if anybody would ever notice him. Everything he did was for himself. Yes, he liked the feeling he had whenever he heard the sound of kids cheering on the first snow day, but in the end, he just wanted to have fun for himself. He was only living and striving for fun. Fun was all he craved. He had no deeper purpose, and if he ever died - would anybody even notice? He hoped so.

_If I die Young - bury me in satin_

_lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a lovesong..._

That´s what humans sang. _If I die young - _It didn´t seem like he had to worry about _that_. But nevertheless, he felt like there was something left to do for him, he wasn´t satisfied with what he had achieved in his 300 years of living, he hadn´t fulfilled his purpose yet. Because if he was honest, he had achieved... nothing. He had caused a little trouble here, a little bit of fun there, but that couldn´t be the only reason for his existence, or could it?

And if he would just end it right here? He wasn´t sure whether he would really die, but wasn´t it worth a try? Just throw away that useless stick and jump down there? Maybe end it with a bit of a bang, one last snowstorm to let people know what they´ve been doing to him all this time? That´s what really got the people´s attention. Die of age? Starve to death? Lose the struggle against some terrible disease? Typhus, Malaria, HIV? Hunger? That happened to a lot of people every day, and nobody really gave a shit. Grab a gun and go on a shooting rampage in revenge for being ignored? Made you a legend. Got you more media blitz than anything else you could ever imagine. Of course, nobody would just be able to show a picture of him on TV. No. There´d be an investigation, the newest developments filling every newspaper´s front pages for weeks. It was so _tempting_. So _easy_. So _promising_. But no, suicide was for the weak. It was the easy way out, and he had taken the easy way out far too often in his life. Whenever he had felt guilty of something, he´d just shrugged it off as unimportant. No, he wasn´t going to jump down there. But what else was there to do, really? He was determined to no longer keep living his life this way. He needed to change something.

Jack froze. There was a sound behind him, footsteps in the heavy snow and an audible groan every now and then. Who could that be?

He swung up into the air and looked over the snow-covered landscape. At the foot of the cliff, he saw a small village with a few lights shining through the iced windows and mistletoes hanging here and there; on top of it there was an untouched forest that stretched out as far as he could see. He attempted to locate the sound and flew off into its direction. But as night fell the wind began growing weaker and weaker, he soon had to land and run. The sound, however, was a deep tone and close to the ground, so when he arrived where he had thought its origin, it seemed to be coming from an entirely different direction. It also seemed to be moving away from him, but it could really be just a last gust of wind that carried it away. Desperate to find the source of the sound, he sped off again. And again, all he found were black branches on withered, snow-covered trees, and silence. The night began to fall and the sky grew dark and darker, but Jack wouldn´t give up that easily.

There! This time he knew the right direction for sure! He gathered all his strength and sped off again. Yet, all he found were more crooked branches and more snow, swallowing all sounds. A chill ran down his already cold spine. This was getting creepy. He decided to try and let the last bits of wind carry him up high in the sky one last time and hope for the best. As he passed the treetops, he realised that he was no longer able to spot the cliff. The forest stretched from one horizon to the other, always the same trees, the same twisted branches, the same snow. It was a threatening sight. What if he never found his way back out of this forest? And somehow, the sky looked menacing as well. It was obvious there would be no stars because it had been a cloudy day, but the colour just wasn´t right. It wasn´t pitch black as it should have been, it was some sort of unnatural violet that made him shiver in fear. What was going on? This just couldn´t be, it was impossible, it _musn´t_ be, there had to be somebody out there, he couldn´t be all alone in this forest - he had heard someone, hadn´t he? - but where, where, WHERE? He covered his head with his hands, but he couldn´t keep the despair from taking over. A booming pain ran through his head, making him unable to think straight. The corners of his vision began to blur, then he started to see dancing black spots, seemingly mocking him and his weakness. Deep inside, Jack knew it was time to give up, to lay down in the snow and sleep until he had recovered his strength, but he didn´t listen to that inner voice. Who knew when he would get another chance like this? He had to find that person, had to talk to her, had to... had to...

Jack lost control, fell down and landed in the snow with a dull thump.

He awakened to the sound of an echoing voice coming from somewhere in the distance. He attempted to open his eyes, but his lids were too heavy. His head was still hurting and his body seemed to have gone entirely numb. Something rocked his shoulder. Jack took a deep breath and finally managed to open his eyes. A blurred scheme was all he saw a first, but slowly, a face began to crystallize. It was a girl. Her whole body was covered by a thick ski suit, only her face was visible. She had dark, grey, slightly greenish eyes. Jack wondered why he noticed that. He had never noticed anyone´s eye color before, so why did he now? 'Hey, are you okay?'

Jack noticed his ears had began working again. The girl was talking to him. 'Yes', he said with a groan, 'I think I´m fine.' Then it dawned on him that she seemed to be able to see him. That was unusual, but he decided it was better to not let her see his excitement over that fact.

'What are you doing out here? You could freeze yourself to death!'

_Well, actually, no, I couldn´t. But I probably shouldn´t tell her that_, Jack thought. 'Erm.. I don´t know...'

'How can you not know?'

'I guess I have some kind of weird amnesia right now... You just woke me up from unconsciousness, remember?'

'Oh. Sorry.' She blushed. 'I think it´s best if I call you help, I can´t let you lie here...'

_No, don´t get me help!_, Jack thought. What if the people she called wouldn´t be able to see him? He didn´t want to cause trouble for once... 'No, no! I´m okay. Really. No need to call for help. Don´t bother. I don't want unnecessary fuzz about this.'

He tried to stand up, but tripped and had to grab the girl´s shoulder in order to keep his balance.

'Well that doesn´t seem like you were okay at all... But if you don´t want fuzz, let me at least accompany you on your way home. Where do you live?'

_Shite_. This really wasn´t going well, but who could blame her? She couldn´t know...

'Ermm... I think it´s better if you don´t see my home... It´s... embarassing.' Jack hoped she would just think of something harmless about his home that might be embarassing, like it being untidy, and just drop the topic. Luckily, it worked.

'Okay... Let´s go to the nearest town then. Can you walk alone?'

'I think... No, seems like that´s a bad idea. Can I shore up on you, please?'

'Ok, no problem. You still haven't told me your name by the way.'

'It´s Jack Frost.'

'Like the guy from all the children's tales?'

'Yeah. Funny, huh?'

'Interesting, to say the least. Who names his child like that? I´m Riley, by the way.'

'Nice to meet you.'

They walked in silence. But it wasn´t an awkward silence, it was the silence of not having to tell each other anything, because there seemed to be a mutual understanding between them. They didn´t need to know the worlds the two of them came from, because they simply didn´t care about them. All they cared about in these moments was each other. It was magical.

As they neared the town, Jack decided it was time to go. He couldn´t let Riley be seen walking with an invisible person. He promised Riley to 'find her' when she asked whether she would see him again. That wasn´t much, just a vague hint of a possible future together, and yet he was already unsure about the question whether he should keep this promise. Could human and winter spirit possibly fit? How should he interpret that she was 'looking forward to meeting him again'? What did she expect from him and did he want to fill her expectations? He didn´t know. He needed time to think.

So here he was, sitting on an abandoned bench at the perimeter of a forest. It was just beside a bikeway, and every few minute somebody drove by, but nobody ever paid any attention to him or the bench itself. A gusty wind blew. It made his hoodie buffet and stroked through his hair with a comfortingly cold touch. As he let his gaze slowly glide over the landscape, seeing the trees bend down under the weight of their snowy cover and the branches swinging in the rhythm of the gusts of wind, a river flowing by in the distance, completely indifferent to the happenings in the human world, Jack felt like he would be able to sit there for hours. Watch the sun go down and the moon come up, the stars swirling around him, unconcerned about his existence. It would be interesting to see how long he could last, wouldn´t it? Reducing his life to pure observation, watching the decades pass by as empires and generations of humans rise and fall while he slowly but steadily becomes a part of the scenery, sitting on that bench like a statue, until vegetation began claiming back the space that had been violently stripped away from it by humans, until the bike path was long forgotten, until humanity itself had been forgotten and he - and maybe some other spirits - were all that was left.

But no, that wasn´t possible anymore. He could no longer keep observing. He might have been able to make that decision just a few days ago, but now he simply couldn´t. Now that he had started interacting, he couldn´t just stop. For the first time in his existence, Jack felt true responsibility, and that feeling kept him from indifference. He did care about Riley, as little as he liked it.

But wasn´t that the point? Liking the responsibilty you took? Seeing it as an opening to new opportunities rather than a burden, a limit? Jack didn´t know. How could he know? It was his first human contact in hundreds of years. He couldn´t know how to behave, what to do. But he was sure about one thing: If he let this opportunity pass by unused, he would regret it later.

And so, Jack used the next gust of wind to swing himself up in the air and search for Riley.

[Lyrics taken from 'If I die young' by The Band Perry]


	2. Chapter 2: Sound of Silence

**Chapter 2: Sound of Silence**

Nearly a fortnight later, Jack had to admit he had underestimated the difficulty of finding a single girl using only the information she was named Riley and had greenish eyes. He couldn´t ask anyone for information about her! Even thought that probably wouldn´t help a lot, because he didn´t even have a photo of. He could do nothing but fly through the town and scan every face. Deep down, he knew that there was no real chance of finding her like that, not among thousands of people. Frustrated, he returned to Burgess. After resting on a tree beside the lake that was the only place that ever felt like 'home' to him, he felt better. He decided to visit the town.

_I walk through the empty streets of this village. I have been gone for a while, but I still remember it as if I had never left. There, by that tree, I used to play. I was so young, and so innocent. I dreamt of being a hero, I dreamt of being a king. Oh, I was naive. But sometimes I wish I could turn back time and bring back these glory days of childhood, of simple, plain happiness and joy. What has happened to these dreams I had? Where are they now? When did they vanish? Now I don´t even know what to long for. Do I want to keep searching for Riley? Do I want to give up? Do I want to curl myself up in some abandoned forest or do I want to talk to another spirit that might console me? I don´t know. I´d give everything - everything! - to get rid of all these years of loneliness and experience, and just be a child again._

_The trees are covered in silvery snow, and it almost feels like the silence is an old friend I embrace after a long separation. This is my season, this is my time of the year. Many people perceive it as cold and dark, but that simply is an entirely wrong concept. Winter makes children happy, and while the adults may mutter about in what ways the cold causes trouble, it undeniably also makes them stick together and help each other. It lets people enjoy jovial evenings in front of the chimney, telling stories and remembering where they belong: Home. That is my true nature: I gather the stars from heaven and use them to turn the landscape into a glittering dream of silver and white, bringing fun and joy to children and adults alike. But still, something isn´t right. I´m not as content as I used to be. Even after I admitted the impossibility of ever seeing her again, I just couldn´t go back to my old self. Meeting her had moved something inside of me that just wouldn´t snap back into its original position. _

_No, this isn´t how it´s supposed to be at all. The characters in all those stories always have some great life-changing insight after they´ve met the one and then they live happily ever after. Why can´t life be some sappy love story for once, why does everything have to be so complicated? For such a long time, I might not have been perfectly fine just living without deeper purpose, as long as I was at least I was always having fun. Now everything I do simply feels so... pointless. I don´t know what to do. Maybe I should ask other spirits for counsel, but...no. They have believers, and surely they never felt like their lives had no purpose. Seems like this Silence is the only friend that will listen to me for now... _

_"Fools," said I, "You do not know  
>Silence like a cancer grows<br>Hear my words that I might teach you  
>Take my arms that I might reach you<br>But my words like silent raindrops fell  
>And echoed in the wells of silence<em>

If only Riley were here! She´d comfort him. She´d be there for him. She would see him, understand him, and console him. She´d whisper in his ear and they´d hold hands. They would spend the rest of their lives together, and when she died one day, he would always remember her and beg the Man in the Moon to revive her. Maybe... Maybe he could ask him to either make him human or her spirit to save both of them from the pain of losing each other forever? It had to possible. Wasn´t the Man in the Moon striving to make the people on the earth happy? Surely, he would find a way, because there was nothing Jack longed for more.

The moon, however, remained as silent as he always did.

As March approached, Jack felt his powers dwindling. His time in this area was over, he had to move on to another continent to start spreading winter cheer there soon. The people were already wondering why the snow took so long to arrive in their countries... He couldn´t stay any longer. But he´d come back, that was for sure. With an aching heart, he called out for the wind and let it carry him.

Jack flew around the globe, bringing Snow to the people all over the world. But he did it without emotion, without effort and joy. A little snow here, a little ice there, not caring where it would bring fun to children and where it would cause inconveniences. In this thoughts, he was with a certain young woman, dreaming of her every night, and longing for nothing but to be reunited with her.

Jack really couldn´t wait until he could return to Riley. She was such a nice girl! So intelligent and beautiful... And she believed in him. She was the first girl over 12 to ever do that. She was special. Jack was torn between his duty of bringing Winter cheer and his desperate longing for Riley. And who would blame him? It was his first contact with somebody his age since he had become a spirit. Jack may have lived for 300 years, but his body never evolved. Biologically, he was still a teenager, and with that came all the anxiety and self-questioning every adolescent had to go through at some point. But unlike all the others, he was doomed to never get over the fact that he had no simple answer for all those big questions he asked himself: _What do I want to achieve in my life? Who do I want to be?_ And, of course, as unlikely as it seems, he also asked himself whether he would ever find love. Of course, he would never openly admit it, but secretly, he had often enviously peeked through some window at night and wished that one day he would also be sitting on a couch with a girl, staying up all night, talking, kissing, and simply feeling pure happiness pumping through his veins. And obviously, since there were no alternatives, Jack simply presumed that Riley would - one day - be that girl. An understandable conclusion, but... did that make it right?

[Lyrics taken from 'Sound of Silence' by Simon&Garfunkel]


	3. Chapter 3: Sound the Bugle

**Chapter 3: Sound the Bugle**

Finally, Jack was able to come back and continue his search for Riley. The past year had been full of longing for her, regret of his hasteful departure on that evening and imaginations of their reunition, but now he was finally back. He still hadn´t gotten a single step further though. He might have actually been put several steps back - what if Riley had moved during his absence? What if she stopped believing in him? He felt a panic rising inside him. What if he didn´t find her this year? What if he didn´t find her the year after? Wouldn´t she soon have forgotten him? Surely, she had more things to worry about than some stranger she had only shortly met a year ago...? Compared to his, her life must be so full of change, of people she met every day! What if he found her and she just wouldn´t recognize him anymore? What if he found her, but she didn´t care about him at all? Jack pushed these thoughts away. He couldn´t imagine that happening, and he didn´t want to. It wouldn´t help at all if he bothered himself with worst-case scenarios.

Because he had no other plausible idea, he decided to start his search in the forest where they had first met. His memories of that forest weren´t all pleasant ones, but he figured that Riley might visit that forest again, and it was really the only clue he had.

The sunset was just as beautiful as it had been on the day when it had all began. Was this a sign that the story was going to repeat himself? That he was going to find Riley? Jack hoped it with all his heart, for that hope was all he had right now. Surely she would come. And wasn´t that sound a female-sounding huff? Was she there? In the forest? But no, it had probably just been a gust of wind. This was what had gotten Jack into losing track of his position back then: letting his imagination run wild and beginning to hear things just because he wanted to. He wouldn´t let temptation make him lose his mind again.

The sun dove down and vanished behind a mountain. Darkness crept along the sky and brought cold with it. Yet Jack began to feel uncomfortable. It wasn´t meant to be cold this night. This place was supposed to be warm! And why... why wasn´t she here? She was late, yes! That must be it! Something slowed her down, but she was on her way. Yes! Yes, Yes, Yes! He just needed to wait a little longer! She would soon be here! And when she would finally arrive, he would have somebody to talk to and then he´d tell her how much he missed her and then she´d tell him how much she missed him and then she´d say she was sorry she was late and tell him that she really liked him and then he´d cry and tell her how much he wanted someone who can see him and understand him and then she´d say she can totally relate to that and then she´d embrace him and they´d go home together and then - and then...

And then...

What?

As the sun rose behind his back, Jack opened his eyes. Riley hadn´t come. She wouldn´t come. Slowly, as that realization crept its way through the coils and loops of his brain, his face fell featureless. Riley wouldn´t come. She had forgotten him. He stood up warily. This just couldn´t be. No. All this time.

He. Had. Hoped.

And.

She.

Had.

Forgotten.

Him.

It was unthinkable. He lay down in the snow and let his grief run free, crying puddles, ponds, rivers of tears. A tiny blue figure in an endless landscape of black trees and white snow, no longer comforted by the all-surrounding Frost.

_Now I can't go on - I can't even start._

_I've got nothing left - just an empty heart._

_I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight. _

_There's nothing more for me - lead me away... _

_Or leave me lying here._

Panting, Riley arrived at the crest. She lay down in the snow and let her pulse slow down. Then she sat up. The sun was just beginning to cautiously send its first rays over the horizon, covering every hilltop in golden, warm light. Riley closed her eyes and gave in to this silent embrace. This was what she came here for every morning, no matter what the weather was. It was different every day, but it was always beautiful. Not many people valued this feeling, and Riley found it hard to understand why. Few things on earth could make her feel this whole, this fulfilled, this good.

When she descended, she spotted a featureless figure between the trees not too far away from her. Since she hardly ever met anyone around this place, she decided to investigate. As she drew nearer, she recognized a resemblance to somebody...

Jack heard a voice calling from somewhere, but he couldn´t locate it. He had been unconscious once again. And once again, a female voice was calling for him. Could it be? Was this fate? Of course, it had to be! This couldn´t be coincidence, it was just way to unlikely! He jerked his eyes open, and yes, it was Riley. He couldn´t believe it. This was like Christmas, Easter and his Birthday at once! He jumped up high into the air and landed in front of Riley.

'Hey!'

'Whoa, you surprised me!'

'Well, so did you. I missed you so much. Let´s make sure we don´t lose each other this time, eh?'

'Yeah. I don´t want to find you lying around in the snow again. How do you always get there, and why are you wearing these thin trousers in winter?'

'Erm... Well...' Jack´s face reddened.

'Don´t tell me you lost your clothes!' Riley laughed.

'Well, actually, that´s the case...', Jack lied, jumping at the suggestion Riley had unconsciously laid before him. Riley seemed confused, not sure whether Jack was joking or if he had actually lost his clothes and his consciousness twice.

'Soooo... Can you take me to your home?'

'I guess that´s a good idea regarding your clothes and the weather. You must be freezing.'

After a bit of an awkward beginning, they engaged in conversation. Jack asked Riley about the things she liked, and she asked him the same. There were some moments when Jack was tempted to tell her about the fact that he wasn´t a 'normal human being' like she was, but he was worried that would creep her out, so he didn´t. He could nearly forget the fact he wasn´t like her - it just felt so _normal_ conversating with her. Maybe he could just forget he had powers? For all these years, the Man in the Moon never cared about what he did, so why should he start caring now? To him, Jack had never been anything but a replaceable spirit that didn´t deserve his attention, so he should just go forward and replace him. Surely some other spirit could do his job.

As they approached the city, Riley seemed to remember something. 'Um, actually, I´ve got something planned now... I guess I won´t be able to take you to my home. I hope you´ll be okay...? I´m sure you´ll find a warm place around here.' Jack had trouble controlling his facial expression. Was this how he was going to lose her again? But Riley continued: 'We should definitely meet up in the future though. I´d love to talk to you again.' Jack rejoiced silently. 'Let's settle a date right now, then! I´m basically always free, when are you?' - 'Uh, I´m on quite a tight schedule for most of the time. What about Sunday in two weeks? 8 am?' _Two weeks. That will be an awfully long wait_, Jack thought to himself. But what couldn't be changed couldn't be changed. 'Ok, let´s meet at this corner then. Let´s eat breakfast together!' - 'Yeah, sounds good. I gotta hurry now though, so... Bye!' - 'Bye!' Jack was tempted to follow her in hopes of finding out more about her, but he didn't want to be a stalker. At least, he would see her again. Soon. Two weeks. He survived a year without her, so he could surely get along for two weeks...? But most importantly, _she_ wanted to see him again too. He didn't just annoy her like he had feared in so many sleepless nights. She liked him back. He clutched that fact like a castaway would clutch a floating piece of wood.

[Lyrics taken from 'Sound the Bugle' by Bryan Adams]


	4. Chapter 4: Enjoy the Silence

**Chapter 4: Enjoy the Silence**

Two weeks meant an awfully long wait, but it also meant a lot of time to prepare. Jack wanted that date to be the most perfect date ever. At first, he thought about taking Riley to a Restaurant or snack bar of sorts, but that proved to be a bad idea at second thought because

A) he didn´t have money and it would be un-gentlemanlike if he let Riley pay,

B) he didn´t want adults freaking out when they saw Riley talking to him and they couldn´t see him

c) he wanted to be undisturbed.

So he decided to take her to a picnic. Easier thought than done. He had never eaten anything for the past - ummm... - 200 years? Right after he became a spirit, he had continued eating like nothing had changed, stealing everything he could get at the weekly markets, but after realizing he didn´t need to eat to survive, he stopped. He had always felt guilty for stealing other people´s stuff, especially poor people´s stuff, but he had thought it couldn´t be helped. However, there was no point in worrying about things that couldn´t be undone. There had never been - and there still wasn´t - a way for him to legitimately earn money.

For his 'shopping' trip, Jack brought a big cloth bag he had found lying around in the forest. He hoped people wouldn´t be able to see it as long as he kept touching it. But there was another problem: Where was he going to get food? He had noticed that weekly markets were a thing of a past for quite a while now, but he hadn´t bothered to find out where people bought food nowadays. He guessed that the center of a big city would be in any case be a good starting point, so he had a general direction he could go to, but that wasn´t enough. He thought about how else he could identify food shops. As he approached, he had figured he could perhaps look for shops where a lot of woman went - woman still were the ones who bought food for the family, right? After a few minutes of searching, Jack found such a store. It was a large, multi-story building and a lot of woman came out of it with fully stuffed bags and satisfied looks on their faces. The building had two red letters attached to its front, linked by a '&' sign. Jack supposed that those had to be the initials of the shop´s founders. He decided to try his luck.

But it seemed like Fortuna wasn´t on his side. When he floated inside, all he could see were clothes and clothes and clothes. Shirts and Shorts and Jeans and trousers and pullovers and suits and dresses and jackets and skirts - hundreds of them, thousands of them. Jack couldn´t understand how somebody could even want to visit such a place. He´d never be able to decide between all these things. He didn´t want to waste any more time, so he left immediately.

The next store looked particularly promising - it had a shining white silhouette of an apple somebody had taken a bite out of it hanging over its entrance - but it also turned out to be a letdown since all it sold was tiny technical devices whose purpose Jack couldn´t quite decipher. He didn´t really care either.

During the next hours of his search, Jack found all weird kinds of shops. One had even sold some kind of spraying bottles. People pushed a button on top of it, and a thin fog came out. This fog had a particular smell, and Jack guessed that creating this smell was the whole point of these... things, but he couldn´t quite understand why somebody would want to hide his own smell. He decided to investigate further and was quite shocked when he read what this fog was made of. Had the world become so pretentious that people had to spray a mixture of musk ox pee extract and smashed flower blossoms in their faces in order to be socially accepted or what was up with this? Modern people were really weird. However, he then remembered that he had no time to dwell on these kinds of thoughts, since he had still not found a food shop, so he left.

As evening approached, Jack left the city with a disappointed look on his face. He had been searching for something as simple as a food shop for a full day and he still hadn´t found one? Was he such a failure? But before he could start wallowing in self-pity, he spotted a lone building at the outskirts of the city. He told himself that one more disappointment wouldn´t make such a big difference, so he might as well check out this last shop as well.

Saying that a stone fell from his heart when he saw the big, tilted cartons filled with apples, pears, grapes, and nectarines would be a huge understatement. His happiness and pride can hardly be described. Immediately, he started randomly stuffing all kinds of fruit and vegetables in his bag. Luckily, the store was almost empty, so nobody saw anything vanish and nobody had any reason to become suspicious. Soon, he also started exploring other parts of the store - after all, a picnic made up exclusively by fruits and vegetables would be quite one-sided.

Though it was obvious to Jack that everything in this store was edible in one way or another, some things remained mysterious to him. For example, all of the meat was encased in some sort of thin, transparent, sligthly reflective... casing. He vaguely remembered that cooks used to cover meat in herbs and spices in order to improve the taste, but this was strange... He looked around to make sure no one was looking his way, snatched a piece and bit tight into it. This stuff tasted AWFUL! Why would anybody ever want to eat this kind of thing?

Suddenly, the lights went out. Jack figured the shop must be closing for today, so he quickly flew back to the entrance. In a close call, he made it out before the glass doors were completely closed.

As days came and went, Jack slowly got more and more used to modern culture. He was sure that many adults would have scolded him for being uncourteous because he kept staring at random people, but nobody could see him anyways. And if he hadn´t watched others closely, it would have taken him much longer to learn. After about a week, Jack slowly felt a panic rise inside him. What if something went wrong? What if Riley would realize he wasn´t used to her way of living? Would it scare her off? He was convinced it would. After hiding the truth about himself for such a long time, she would surely be shocked and disappointed if she found out he hadn´t told her the whole truth. He had to show her his power, but... slowly, bit after bit. In a way that wouldn´t scare her. But time and tide waited for no one, and the two weeks that Jack had at first felt were too long proved to be quite short in the end, and as he approached the meeting point, he had to forcefully calm himself down. 'It´s going to be okay. You´re not going to embarrass yourself. You´re ready for this', he kept mumbling to himself.

He brought a wooden basket loaded with food and a blanket for them to sit on. He was well aware that wooden baskets were outdated, but he wanted to show he would not forget his origin just because he adapted to modern society. Besides that, he had often heard people rave over how everything had been better in 'those good old times'. He obviously couldn´t know whether Riley shared that mindset, but since planned to take a picnic, which also seemed to have become old-fashioned, he had guessed she might consider it fitting.

When she spotted him, she started waving cheerfully. However, she didn´t shout his name. Was it because she suspected others couldn´t see him or did she just figure he was still too far away? Anyways, it seemed safe to interact with her since the streets were empty. Most people seemed to not have left their houses yet. Jack vaguely recalled that there was a tradition of spending Sundays at home with your family instead of going to work, so perhaps it wasn´t all that unusual. He ran towards her, carefully making sure to not run too fast or float in the air too long. He didn´t want Riley to suspect anything yet.

When he reached Riley, he ran straight into her and hugged her closely. She wasn´t quite sure how to react to this, but she wasn´t offended. Perhaps it was just a bit of childish overexcitement shining through? She smiled. 'Hey, I think that´s enough, sweetie! Are you trying to suffocate me?' - 'Oh. Sorry.' Jack entangled his arms. There was a second of awkward silence. But Jack quickly broke it: 'I brought some picnic. You wanna go?' Riley, relieved get rid of the awkwardness, answered 'Yeah, let´s go! What do you have planned?' - 'It´s a secret', Jack grinned. 'Awww, I wanna know now!' - 'Nu-uh. I won´t spoil it!' Jack bounced on his toes, visibly eager to get going. 'Let´s race!' Riley only had time to ask: 'Wait, what?' before Jack grabbed her arm and dragged her along. At first, Jack followed the street, but as soon as they were out of town, he left it and ran straight into the forest. Riley was bewildered. She had never met anyone who´d even think of doing such a thing. It was simply... uncourteous. It didn't... suit a civilized person to act like that. But secretly, she had to admit she admired him for being this way. Showing his emotion and excitement openly, not caring about what others might think. Freeing himself from every bond society might have laid onto him. 'This is awesome!', she exclaimed. After a while, Riley felt her legs tiring slowly. Panting, she shouted: 'Where are we going? And how far are you taking me?' Instead of an answer, Jack shouted back: 'We´re nearly there!' And really, less than a minute later, the woods opened to reveal a beautiful meadow ending in a cliff from which you had a great view over the landscape. Jack let go of her hand, put the basket down and began unpacking. A soft breeze blew. It was a stunning sight. Riley felt all her sorrows and worries fade away. This was what life was worth living for. How could she have forgotten that? She remembered herself years, decades ago, strolling through the forest, always on a quest for exploration, always willing to learn new things, discover new places. Unaware of all the meaningless troubles of adult life. Unaware of borders, of social no-gos. Living in a fairy-tale world where the good were always rewarded and the bad were always punished. Not wasting a second thinking the real world could be different

For all her life, she had been so proud to be the reasonable, rational girl she was. But was that what really mattered? Was it what she wanted? Living a life not for herself, but for others? For her bosses, for the customers? For a long time, she would have confidently answered yes. Now she wasn´t that sure. Had she, for all this time, just suppressed her longing for this kind of simple life?

Jack interrupted her thoughts: 'Earth to Riley! Are you up in space yet?' Riley blushed. Jack laughed. But it wasn´t a spiteful laugh, it was basically inviting her to join in. And so she did. They laughed and talked for hours. But as midday neared, Jack seemed to be feeling uneasy. Riley noticed that, and so she asked him whether anything was wrong. Jack reacted as if he had been caught. Riley felt her paradise starting to crumble. Was there something standing between them? Something so big not even Jack had dared to mention it?

Jack seemed to suffocate on his words. 'There´s something I have to tell you. Something important. I´m not... like you.' - Riley, desperate to restore the harmony between them, tried to play it funny: 'What, are you going to take your shirt off and start sparkling?', but Jack didn´t laugh. Riley was unable to tell whether it was because he really didn´t understand the joke or because he thought it was unfitting. 'Do you trust me?', Jack asked. Riley didn´t know what to answer. 'Why?' But Jack didn´t explain. Instead he asked again 'Do you trust me?', this time more insistently. When Riley didn´t answer immediately, he repeated himself a third time, this time shouting. His pupils seemed to change their color, from a light blue to a noticeably darker tone. He started moving towards Riley with long, determined strides. There was a second of silence. 'Do. You. Trust. Me?' Riley was completely taken aback. What was up with this guy? Then, slowly, Jack´s expression turned to sadness. A deep disappointment begin to form in his eyes, like the one flicker of hope he had been clinging to had been stripped away violently. More silence. As Jack noticed a tear emerging from the side of his right eye, he turned away from Riley and sped off into the forest.

Hours later, she found him. The red sun was shining through the bare trees, casting long shadows. He was perched against a tree, his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, looking down on the snow. All by himself. A slender, broken figure in an endless sea of loneliness. Waiting to be found but hoping to be left alone. 'Hey', Riley said as she crouched beside him. 'It´s okay.' Jack didn´t answer. He didn´t even move. Riley sat down beside him, glancing into the sun. She slowly unwrapped his arms from his legs, handling them with care like a thin porcelain figure that might break at any time, possibly shattering into a thousand pieces in a matter of seconds and then being lost forever. She held his hands and felt them trembling quietly. They were cold as ice. The two of them remained like this for a long time. Finally, Jack started to cry. Silent at first, then, as sobs shook his body violently, louder and louder. Riley moved closer to him and he leaned his head on her shoulder. She put her arms around his neck, softly pulling him into a hug. After what felt like an eternity Jacks sobs softened, and he was able to talk again. But Riley put a finger on top of his mouth and shushed. 'Don't say a word', she whispered.

_All I ever wanted _

_All I ever needed_

_Is here in my arms_

_Words are very unnecessary_

_They can only do harm..._

[Lyrics taken from 'Enjoy the Silence' by Depeche Mode]


	5. Chapter 5: Into a Fantasy

**Chapter 5: Into a Fantasy**

Slowly, the worried look on Jacks face turned into a cautious smile, then a confident one. 'Thank you. I don´t know what I would have done without you now.' - 'Don't bother', Riley answered with a wide smile on her face. 'I couldn't have let you sob alone out here. By the way, I think that I _do _trust you. Why was that so important to you?'

'Really?', Jack asked.

'What?', asked Riley, obviously rattled.

'Do you really trust me?'

'Yes, I just said so - '

'Then will you come with me?'

'Where - '

But Jack had already grabbed her hand and was dragging her along.

He was his old self again: cheerful, impatient, mischievous. Carefree. Careless? She wasn´t sure. Jack was quite the opposite of Riley. But didn´t opposites attract each other?

Just a few minutes later, they left the forest again. Riley spotted the picnic basket a few hundred yards away. But Jack didn´t stop. He kept running closer and closer to the edge, and before Riley could resist, he dragged her over it. But she didn´t fall. It took her a while until she realized it was because Jack was holding her. They were rushing through the air together, higher and higher. She couldn´t think of anything that could have shocked her more, but it didn´t matter. She was flying! With Jack by her side! She pulled herself upwards on his arm until she was on his back. Jack accelerated even higher, breaching the clouds. Riley shouted to make herself heard over the airstream: 'THIS - IS - AWESOME!' Jack turned his head and smiled at her, but remained silent. They were above the clouds now, floating over an ocean of pink cotton candy. The sun was just sending its last crimson rays over the horizon. Riley carefully loosened her arms from Jack´s shoulders and looked around. It was a gorgeous scenery. Then Jack dove back into the clouds again and Riley held her arms up in delight. This was better than any rollercoaster.

_We can fly _

_All day long_

_Show me the world_

_Sing me a song_

_Tell me what the future holds_

_You and me will paint it all in gold..._

After the night had fallen, Jack landed. He was visibly exhausted and panting heavily, but Riley was still laughing and completely adrenaline-pumped. 'THIS is what you where worrying about?' she asked. 'Oh Jack, you could have just told me! This is the most awesome thing I´ve ever experienced!'. She put his arms around his shoulders and looked straight into his eyes. Her cold breath turned into tiny white clouds as she exhaled. They stood like this for several minutes, looking at each other and taking in every detail of each other´s faces. Jacks hypnotizing blue eyes. The paleness of his skin. His shining white teeth. His hair. The contrast his black eyebrows formed to all that. The tiny, barely visible freckles on Rileys cheek. The way her ginger hair curved around her face. Her greenish eyes. The perfect shape of her lips. She had no lipstick on, but they were still gorgeous. Jacks thoughts were racing. Should he kiss her? Right here? But what if she pushed him back? What if she thought it was too early? He closed his eyes. _Don't mess this up_. His heart began pounding harder and harder as he struggled to make a decision. A sudden sensation interrupted his thoughts. The weight on his shoulders had shifted. Then he felt a warm touch on his lips. Riley pulled him closer until he could feel every inch of her body. It was burning hot, and he could feel her heart thumping heavily in her chest, just like his. Their heartbeats matched, and their bodies moved in the rhythm, caught up in a silent dance, the whole world around them fading, becoming less and less important, unsubstantial. Their bodies merged, moving like one in this cold winter night neither of them felt anything of. They were like Ice and Fire. Sun and Moon. Yin and Yang.

The stars slowly crept over the sky above them as their bodies became more and more entangled. Every now and then, a wolf or another animal would sneak around to find out what these strange creatures were and whether they posed a threat, but none of them considered them to be, and so they were left alone.

The man in the moon had covered a considerable portion of his nightly journey when Riley and Jack stepped out of the woods. They still had wrapped their arms around each other. 'Better bring you home now, eh? It´s getting quite late', Jack said.

'As long as I don´t have to walk', Riley responded, smiling widely.

'Piggyback?', Jack asked.

'Why not?', Riley responded with a smirk on her face.

And so Jack picked up his now-frozen basket and his staff, let Riley climb on his back and swung himself into the air. 'I still don't know where you live though, so you´ll have to guide me.' - 'With pleasure!'

When they reached Rileys home, Jack was astonished. It was exactly like he´d imagined. A small room right underneath the roof with just one tilted window. Inside, there was a bed, a desk, a wardrobe, and an easel. The room could have been considered messy, but Jack loved the chaos. It felt like freedom. 'You paint?', he asked. 'Yes, but I´m not good. I´m not a professional.' Jack smirked. 'You´ve got me interested now, you won´t get around showing me something.' Riley blushed and then pulled the cover down from the easel. Under it, there was a large painting of a sunset over a gorgeous landscape - trees and fields and tiny houses, all painted in gold and red by the sun. Jack gasped. 'This is beautiful! Why would you hide this?' - 'Do you really think it´s good?'

'Oh, come on, be a little more self-confident! I could look at this for hours and still not get enough of it!'

'You´re kidding, right?'

'No, not at all!' Jack seemed to have an idea. 'Can I stay here?'

'Don't you have a home you should go back to?'

'Unfortunately, no.' Jack tried to hide how much this hurt him, but Riley still noticed it. Still, she wanted to be certain of what was up with him, so she pried further. 'What are you then, exactly?'

Jack took a deep breath and began to explain with a serious look. 'I´m Jack Frost. The real one. From all the children´s tales. Only those who believe in me can see me. I can fly with the wind and create snow wherever I want, and my only task is to bring winter cheer to people all over the world. Usually, only little children can see me, and nobody ever thanks me. You´re the first one who can see me even though he or she´s older than 12.' There was a moment of silence. 'It´s out now', Jack said, 'Can you live with that?' Riley remained silent for a while. Then she said: 'I need to think about this. Meet in the same spot next week?' - 'Yeah.'

Jack climbed out of the window and tried to assure himself that it meant nothing she hadn´t immediately said yes. It _was_ quite difficult to accept, after all.

Riley, however, lay awake for a long time that night, thinking. And it wouldn´t be the last night she spent entrapped in a maze of thoughts that all led into dead ends...

[Lyrics taken from 'Into a Fanatsy' by Alexander Rybak]


	6. Chapter 6: Another love

**Chapter 6: Another love**

When Jack arrived at the meeting point, Riley was already awaiting him with a very serious look on her face. Instantly, Jack´s insides clenched. Without a greeting, she said: 'We need to talk in private. It´s important. Will you come with me?' Jack simply nodded, unable to show any other reaction. They began slowly walking towards the forest until they could be sure nobody would notice them. Riley took a deep, deep breath. She said: 'I´m sorry. I don´t think this will work out. I've -'

'WHAT?' Jack interrupted.

'Please let me explain.' Jack had trouble staying calm, but he managed faking a stoic expression. 'I've been thinking about this for a long time. We´re just too different. Yes, I needed to be shown a different way of living. Of living in nature, carefree and content with what you´ve got. I´m very grateful that you´ve shown me all these incredible things - ' Jack´s thoughts began drifting away. He had to control himself, had to stop this unknown heat that was building up inside his eternally cold stomach. Riley was a good person, no matter whether she would break up with him. 'But I decided that´s not the way I want to live. I couldn´t survive without human company. I've been trying to tell myself that it could work if we tried, but deep down I always known it wouldn´t. I have to stop this before either of our hearts has been broken beyond repair. I´m sorry.'

A world shattered into a million pieces inside Jack. He couldn't breathe, he couldn´t move, he could just stand there and stare at Riley, trying to convince himself that she was joking. She _was_ joking, right? She couldn´t be serious. But deep down he knew. There was nothing that could change her mind. No well-thought-through argument could convince her now. A part of him suddenly wanted to see her crying out in pain, in devastation, right now. See her suffer. Take her deep into the forest and kill her. Slowly, oh so slowly. Hear her scream for help she knew would never come. Watch her agony as he began to freeze her body, starting from her fingertips and slowly letting the cold creep up her arms, freezing her muscles, her blood. Her heart. He would spare her pretty face until the very last, let her stay conscious until the very last second. Then move closer to her face and gently let his ice-cold fingers run down her cheeks, her beautiful freckled cheeks, laughing madly as she squeaked in mortal fear. Offer her some last words. Maybe promise her to let her live if she would no longer reject his love. Let her bathe in futile hope. Just like she had. Then leave her frozen to a tree for a few days to let her learn the true meaning of fear, of being alone in the forest at night, in the cold, of feeling the cold creep further and further into her body while all she could do was shiver and scream. Leave her until she was completely wrecked both physically and psychologically, until her lungs were dry and her body was burning, her heart frantically beating faster and faster and faster in the desperate struggle to keep her blood flowing, to keep her body warm and break free from his ice, that isolating, eternally cold ice that could never be melted. Come back to her and see her rejoice at his sight. Then caress her face one last time and finish his work. She had devastated him, and so he would devastate her. There was no other way. He'd -

'Are you ok?', Riley asked, visibly worried. 'You have a strange look on your face...'

Jack was abruptly snatched back into the real world. He was shocked. Had he really just thought that? He hadn´t known of this evil, twisted part of himself. Did these kinds of thoughts lie sleeping in every human, every spirit, every being? Some animalistic, brutal part everyone was just desperately trying to keep tamed? He was more tempted than ever before to let these instincts run freely. And why not? Nothing had ever hurt him more than being stripped of this no matter how futile hope he had caressed, fostered over all these months, convincing himself that she would love him as much as she loved her. She had ravaged him. But then his sane side took over: What would he achieve with his revenge? No torture, no death threats could bring back her love. Struggling with his feelings, he left. He feared that if he said another word, he might lose control completely. So he swung himself up in the air without saying anything. He wasn´t sure how long he could keep these brutal instincts under control, so he had to bring as much difference as possible between himself and her.

Hours later, his heartbeat slowed. The adrenaline rush was over, and anger slowly turned into horror and grief. What had gotten into him? Had all those decades of loneliness turned him into such a wreck? Was it perhaps even better the way it was - that everyone ignored him? He had been so close, so agonizingly and undeniably close to killing someone. And not someone he hated, but somebody he truly loved. He was desperate. He was a danger to himself and others. He had to separate himself from all human beings.

And so he flew into the mountains. He passed untouched highlands and snowy peaks before he found what he had been looking for: A tiny cave that had just enough space to provide shelter for him, but wasn´t too big to be spotted by any living soul that might feel the need to visit these unruly land. He landed and sat down, his back against the bumpy rock wall, his arms wrapped around his knees. Then he let his tears flow freely. He wept and wept and wept. This time, there was no Riley to find him and patch him up again. His world lay shattered, and there was no fixing it.

It wasn´t easy to stay in the cave. After less than a week, he started becoming desperate. He felt like he couldn´t stand another second of this loneliness. He would have given anything for company - and be it just that of a goat, of a bird, of an insect, even. But nothing could survive in such heights. Everything would freeze to death up here. And there was nothing he could do about it. All he ever spread was Ice. Chill. Death. He knew he could never go back. He couldn´t forgive himself. It was a crime beyond redemption.

Soon, Jack started to feel an increasing dizziness. He started losing track of what was real and was not. Hallucinations haunted him. Many times, Riley´s face appeared before his eyes. Her mouth formed the words she had said when they broke up. 'I'm sorry.' He lost track of how many days he had spent in that cave. Day and Night lost their meanings as Jack vegetated between sleeping and hallucinating. Something deep inside him vaguely hinted him that he once had had a task, a duty that he was now neglecting, but he couldn´t quite pinpoint what it had been. And so he stayed inside the cave.

After a week, Jack forgot his duty.

After a month, he forgot his past. His childhood. His family.

After a year, Jack forgot how human company felt.

But he never forgot his guilt.

A long time after, when Jack had nearly given up all hope, the pain and the dizziness began fading slowly and with it his self-doubt. He became more and more confident that he was ready for a second chance. That he would be able to control himself this time. And so, after years and years in absolute isolation, Jack left the cave.

At first, he was desperate to find a replacement for Riley, somebody who really loved him back. There were so many people out there, it shouldn´t be too hard to find somebody else. Of course, he had to get used to all the changes the world had gone through before he could even seriously think about attempting that, but he literally had all the time in the world. Cupid´s arrow, however, was uncontrollable, and so it took longer than Jack would have hoped. But when he finally found another adolescent girl who believed in him, he had to admit that he didn´t love her as much as he had loved Riley. He couldn´t explain it, but it just wasn´t the same. So he left and continued to search for the another girl. But it was just like that with the next girl he found, and the next, and the next...

_And I wanna cry I wanna fall in love,_

_But all my tears have been used up_

_On another love, another love._

_All my tears have been used up,_

_On another love, another love..._

And so, after another year full of letdowns, Jack gave up the idea of finding a lover. It wasn´t an easy decision, and at first he feared it, but he told himself it was better that way. He couldn´t say that his longing had vanished. He longed for love more than ever before. But he accepted that he wouldn´t find it this way. It wasn´t just him getting more and more exhausted from being disappointed over and over again; he also didn´t want to leave a trail of girls with possibly broken hearts behind him. Sometimes he thought about going back to Riley. Look what had become of her. But he was afraid of what he might find. He figured that whatever he found wouldn´t make him happy. If she had found another love and was living a happy life without him, he would only be angry at whoever she lived with now. If she was still alone, he wouldn´t be able to resist the temptation of trying to start his relationship with her all over again. He wasn´t sure what he would do if she rejected him. And so he went back to his old engagement: spreading winter cheer, indulging in the likely futile hope that he´d one day find somebody who valued what he did, that he´d one day experience real gratitude. But all he got was a seemingly never-ending stream of disappointments. Until, one faithful day, he sent a certain boy on an absolutely epic sleigh ride and was thereafter captured by a certain bunny...

[Lyrics taken from 'Another love' by Tom Odell]


	7. Chapter 7: Innocence

**Chapter 7: Innocence**

Jack swung himself into the air. He left the streets behind him, the houses, the city, flew over the clouds, dove back through them and finally arrived at the lake. Of course, the lake. Obviously. What a sappy type of person he could be. Always returning to this particular lake, like there was something special about it. Yes, this was the lake in which he had been transformed into a Spirit, and the lake on which he had saved his sister. But was there a point in always returning here? No. It was a lake like every other, and still, it just seemed to invite him every time he came near, to draw him towards it and let him want to sit down and let his thoughts drift. And it was no different this time. So he sat down and gazed into the void. So much had happened. He had taken the oath to become a Guardian, and he had won a battle in which he would have never thought he´d ever been drawn into. And somehow, the pain had ceased its existence. He was happy, he was satisfied with his life. It was fun, after all. And it was important. He had found a meaning in it, and even though he had still not forgiven the Man in the Moon for all the centuries of indifferent silence, he was feeling inner peace.

_I remember a time_

_My frail, virgin mind_

_Watched the crimson sunrise_

_Imagined what it might find_

_Life was filled with wonder_

_And I felt the warm wind blow_

_I must explore the boundaries_

_Transcend the depth of winter's snow..._

_Oh, Innocence_

_Innocence caressing me_

_I've never felt so young before_

_There was so much life in me_

_Still I longed to search for more_

_Still I longed to search for more..._

He realized that maybe, Riley never had been the one blame. It had been him who couldn´t have enough, who forgot what he had and stopped being grateful for the gifts life had had brought him. But if Riley wasn´t to blame, was he? Could one truly blame him for following his feelings, his heart? Wasn´t that what everyone kept saying - that you should follow your heart? Hadn´t it been his heart that had led him to these cruel, sadistic thoughts? He had no answer to these questions, and after realizing he likely wouldn´t find one, he just stopped bothering himself with them. Maybe it was human nature that was to blame. Maybe not. Maybe there were questions that could never be answered. But he knew one thing for sure: In the end, it didn´t matter. You had to live the moment, and so that´s what he did.

[Lyrics taken from 'Innocence' by Jan Hegenberg, original written by Dream Theater]


	8. Epilogue: Roll with the wind

**Epilogue: Roll with the wind**

So what is there to learn from this story? Does it carry a deep meaning, will it change your way of thinking, your attitude, your life? That, dear reader, is for you to decide. I cannot help you with that decision. But there´s one thing I´d like you to always remember: You are not alone. No matter how sad you feel, no matter what pain you endure, you are not the first to face these challenges and you won´t be the last one. With 7.3 billion people on this planet and centuries of history, no situation is completely unprecedented. And even if it feels like the world is ending, that´s just not going to happen. There is always a way of moving on. Always.

_There's a hole in my heart  
>And a picture in a frame driving me insane<br>But the wind and the land  
>And the fire and the rain always stay the same<em>

[Lyrics taken from 'Roll with the Wind' by Alexander Rybak]


End file.
